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Requiem
Feb 2, 2006 13:06:14 GMT -5
Post by blackngold on Feb 2, 2006 13:06:14 GMT -5
Through the years, we have shared many joys and sorrows with one another. I thought that we could start a thread where we could share/memorialize people, places and things that were important to us.
I am not particularly looking for sympathy or comments to what I post here. I just wanted a place to say some things.
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Requiem
Feb 2, 2006 13:08:13 GMT -5
Post by blackngold on Feb 2, 2006 13:08:13 GMT -5
Mom was an amazing woman. Her love for learning, thirst for knowledge, endless curiosity, and compassionate interest in other people guided her life. She followed her mother’s motto:
Let us now be up and doing, With a mind for every fate, Still achieving, still pursuing, Learn to labor and to wait.
And her father’s:
Honesty, hard work, and thrift.
She was never one to say “I love you” out loud, but she said it every day in the things she did, the food she cooked, the music she sang, and the time she spent with us. For example, we all loved her lemon meringue pie, krumkakar (Swedish waffles), Swedish pepparkakar cookies, and other sweets. Lest you wonder whether we ate balanced meals, rest assured that when our baseball swings threatened the windows, she simply planted turnips at homeplate, and squash and tomatoes under the swing set, to encourage us to move our games to a baseball diamond, where our skills had more room to grow.
Mom loved flowers and gardening. She regularly bemoaned the clay in the Pittsburgh soil, but continued in her 50-year quest to bring seasonal color and beauty to her flower beds. Our neighbor, Walt Korpiel, once said to us: Oh, your mother liked her garden a little bit wild. She tried to instill her love of gardening in her children as her father had done with her and met with varying degrees of success. We will always remember her beautiful roses at the side of the house and the fresh garden flowers she would cut and arrange for the dining room table centerpiece.
She combined these interests into another, which was meeting and entertaining people in our home. From the time we were small, Mom and Dad hosted people from all over the world as part of a program called the Pittsburgh Council for International Visitors (PCIV). Mom enjoyed cooking and decorating the house for those occasions. She made everyone who visited feel welcome even when they didn’t speak English. We were introduced to people from Denmark, Russia, Scandinavia, Africa, India, China and Japan. Mom and Dad made many friendships that extend to this day. On one of their last trips to Europe, they looked up one of their guests from the early 70’s and visited him in Holland. Even in college, Mom was interested in people from foreign countries. She started a pen pal correspondence with a woman from Germany, which lasted the rest of their lives. Through this relationship, her daughter Chris became pen pals with a German girl. Their continued friendship is one of the reasons that Chris felt comfortable moving to Germany. Perhaps Mom’s international interests really stemmed from her family ties in Sweden.
One of our fondest childhood memories was our annual vacation at our grandparent’s Stugan (cabin) on the Chester River in Maryland. On these long trips, Mom would keep us occupied by leading us in song, which would prevent us from asking, “Are we there yet?” Mom loved the cabin and its connection to her parents. She loved the peaceful serenity of watching the sunset through the pine trees overlooking the river.
Another of Mom’s great loves was the Arts. Mom and Dad instilled a love of music in all of us. We all remember the clarinet and piano duets that they played for us. We loved hearing Mom play and sing from the Fireside Book of Folk Songs. She could outlast us at any art museum and remember all that she saw there.
We admired Mom’s passion for improving the world around her. She believed in the ability of people to work together to make positive changes. Her work for the newly formed Scott Township library is one such example. She was dedicated to the Healthcare Committee of the League of Women Voters, the South Hills Women’s Club and her book groups.
Mom had a great appreciation for most forms of humor, especially Dad’s. Our refrigerator door is covered with comics clipped from the paper. While she had a great sense of humor, she, like the rest of us, was terrible at telling jokes.
Mom took us to the library every week. We can now all be found with our noses buried in a book. Mom loved biographies and poetry best of all and we’d like to end with one of her favorite poems by Emily Dickinson.
I never saw a moor I never saw the sea Yet I know how the heather looks And what a wave must be
I never spoke with God Nor visited in Heaven Yet certain am I of the Spot As if the chart were given.
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Requiem
Feb 2, 2006 13:08:55 GMT -5
Post by blackngold on Feb 2, 2006 13:08:55 GMT -5
Friend of family – Ann Delphus – Dr. Watson to read.
When Chris and I became friends in junior high, there was no intention on my part to infiltrate her family, but it happened. Today they would call it “embedded”. I was drawn into their home with stimulating discussions, lured by the intellectual curiosity that fueled Ellen’s habit of life long learning. Beyond that, Ellen had a gift for appreciating the best qualities in people. She laughed at my stories while encouraging me to pursue my career goals. No subject in school, no course in college failed to pique her interest. She welcomed my involvement in the family, all the while suspecting that I might be a bad influence on her daughters. I think she was confident that their good conduct would exert a positive influence on me. . . but the jury may still be out on that one. Her brand of nurturing was different from my experience in my home, so when I tell people: she is like my second mom,” it stems from this most valuable influence; this personal example of sustaining an interest in learning, understanding and intellectual fulfillment. By contrast, Chris liked coming to my house because I was allowed to watch regular TV shows. My mom talked about clothes and haircuts – that sort of thing.
Ellen enjoyed and appreciated whoever you were. You didn’t have to be like her. So the appeal of visiting their house was greater than the jar of raisins in the kitchen that she had to replenish much more frequently once I “embedded”
Naturally, it’s no surprise that her daughters and son married smart and talented people. They just added to the mix. The kids and their spouses sort of reflect her interests. Chris travels the world, has worked in the Ivy League. Cindy works with music. Alison embraces nurturing through nursing and John works at Penn. I make a living writing and researching. While the Souders children recruit a scientist, a musician, a computer specialist and a business professional to the family. I married a metals broker with a phys ed degree. I was the first to have kids and they were jocks. The girl was straight-A student, nothing new there, but she expressed a latent gene for artistic creativity, and that was new for the mix. The boy on the other hand, was far from an A student, but got my bent for mischief. He was funny – but challenging. Nevertheless, Ellen loved my children, and as a testament to her accepting and appreciative nature, she enthusiastically attended the boy’s football games one evening at the Mt Lebanon stadium. I didn’t see them before the game, but as the evening progressed, my thoughts returned to the mental image of Bob trying to explain first downs and holding calls to Ellen, a two hour seminar that might be a futile attempt to compensate for a lifetime of sports indifference. After all, football was a far cry from Olympic figure skating. I needn’t have worried. When we caught up with them after the game. Ellen was effusive. “I loved watching Matt run”, she said. “He simply glided over the field. It was wonderful!” I thanked her for the compliment. Later, I said to my husband, “So how about Ellen commenting on Matt’s running after the game?” Jerry said to me, “Well, Matt is a natural runner – he has a beautiful stride. Can’t you see it? I can guarantee his coaches do.” I just responded with a shrug while Jerry assured me that the gym teachers and trained athletes who coached the team understood what could be taught and what was talent. But to me came the realization that I had underestimated Ellen when I feared she would not understand my son’s football game. What she did was look past the game and focused on Matt, and tapped an insight I didn’t know she had. By that time I had known her for 30 years and she was still surprising me.
I’ve never met anyone like her, and I doubt I’m alone in this respect. It’s been a privilege to be a back door friend and to have been embraced by her generous and loving spirit. At a time when we are marking her passing and reflecting on what she meant to us, it is natural to overlook or look past her weaknesses. For the record, I’ve always thought those Swedish Christmas elves looked like scarecrows, and those Swedish Christmas cookies don’t have chocolate chips or icing and are sort of plain.
Seriously, I realized how lucky I’ve been to have been included in so much of the Souders family matters, so fortunate to have had them embrace me as closely. Knowing Ellen and loving Ellen has been a high water mark in personal relationships.
When I tried to come up with an analogy of how I characterized my relationship to this group, an image came to mind. There was a show about a woman who found and cared for a newborn squirrel whose mother was gone. It might have been on Animal Planet, I’m not sure, but the woman introduced the baby squirrel into her cat’s litter of kittens, and the squirrel was accepted and flourished. Even though it was unlikely that Ellen would have ever had the time or inclination to watch such a show, she would have enjoyed the metaphor.
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Requiem
Feb 4, 2006 20:17:08 GMT -5
Post by blackngold on Feb 4, 2006 20:17:08 GMT -5
Eternity
On this wondrous sea sailing silently Ho! pilot, ho! Knowest thou the shore Where no breakers roar, Where the storm is o'er?
In the silent west Many sails at rest Their anchors fast; Thither I pilot thee, - Land, ho! Eternity! Ashore at last!
Emily Dickinson
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Kit M.
Head Girl/Boy
I'm hoppy, cuddly and adorable!
Posts: 104
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Requiem
Feb 5, 2006 13:37:04 GMT -5
Post by Kit M. on Feb 5, 2006 13:37:04 GMT -5
Ode to Mom (Recite this to a sad Blues)We all know of them. When they go, We get sad. Never want to let them go. Never want them to go. Keep them in a small pocket. To knock on it. They know what to do. Comforting to you. She's the best thing ever to be. Never want to let them go. Never want them to go. Keep them in a small pocket. To knock on it. We know we must let go. Let them out of that pocket. Just call often. Speak twice as often. Visit every day. One day they will go. Never want to let them go. Never want them to go. Keep them in a small pocket. To knock on it. But we must one day. Let them out of that pocket. You don't have to say goodbye. Just for now. We love our Mom's. ~Cleverwitch. Hope I didn't embarass myself to much.
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Requiem
Feb 5, 2006 14:01:52 GMT -5
Post by blackngold on Feb 5, 2006 14:01:52 GMT -5
Friends, we are gathered here to praise god and to witness to our faith as we celebrate the life of Ellen Edvar Souders. We come together in grief, acknowledging our human loss. t May god grant us grace that in pain we may find comfort in sorrow hope and in death resurrection.
Let us pray.
Eternal God, we praise you for the great company of all those who have finished their course in faith and now rest from their labor. We praise you for those dear to us who we name in our hearts before you. Especially, we praise you for Ellen, whom you have graciously received into your presence. To her, to all of these, grant your peace. Let perpetual light shine upon them, and help us so to believe where we have not seen; that your presence may lead us through our years. And bring us at last with them into the joy of your home. Not made with hands, but eternal in the heavens. Through Jesus Christ, our Lord.
Amen.
In the silence dear Lord, perhaps we heard your still small voice. Words of comfort, words of hope, words of assurance that all is going to be well. Here now the prayer our Savior taught us to say together.
The Lord’s Prayer.
These readings from the New Testament were chosen by the family. They reflect the kind of person that Ellen was.
When Jesus saw the crowds, he went up the mountain. And after he sat down, his disciples came to him. Then he began to speak. And taught them saying, ”blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. Blessed are the meek for they will inherit the earth. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness for they will be filled. Blessed are the merciful for they will receive mercy. Blessed are the pure in heart for they will see God. Blessed are the peacemakers for they will be called children of God. Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness sake for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when people revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. Rejoice and be glad for your reward is great in heaven. For in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you. You are the salt of the earth. But if salt has lost its taste how can its saltiness be restored. It is no longer good for anything but is thrown out and trampled underfoot. Etc.
When my wife Barbara and I came to Mt Lebanon in 1979, the homebuilders Sunday school class was a friendly dynamic and caring group as it still is today. They made us feel very welcome. Bob and Ellen Souders were numbered amongst them and I treasure Bob’s keen insights and thought provoking comments during our discussions – animated discussions they were – which took place when I was the teacher. When I think of Ellen, in my mind’s eye, I see her beautiful smile and hear her playing the piano as we sang together before the discussions began. And what a privilege it was for me to conduct daughter Cindy and Greg’s wedding in 1987 and the wedding of son John and Lizz in 1991. You’re a close knit and loving family. Clearly evident in many ways, but especially evident in the way you cared for Ellen, Bob - and other family members too as her health so quickly deteriorated. But what a full, beautiful, self-giving life this wonderful woman lived before that deterioration set in. Husband Bob is going to share with us some of the early days that he and Ellen shared together.
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Requiem
Feb 5, 2006 14:02:30 GMT -5
Post by blackngold on Feb 5, 2006 14:02:30 GMT -5
You'll have to forgive my Dad. He rambled a bit.
Dad’s speech
I just wanted to bring out a couple of things about Ellen’s background and how we got together in the first place and her background is filled up with a lot of Swedish influence here. Her paternal grandfather came to the United States for a short while and ended up in Leadville, CO just before the turn of the century in the 1800’s. And he was peddling goods out there to the miners. They had a boomtown there with people all over the hills in tents. There was a washer woman from Sweden that did clothes for all these people and the two of them got together and got married. Then they went back to Sweden after a short couple of years and ended up in a town called Lulea which is up in the northern part of Sweden right along the coast. And that’s where Ellen’s father was brought up. He went to the best university for engineering in Stockholm. And decided that he wanted to go to the US too just like his father had. At age 25, he landed in Philadelphia. He was walking along the street not long after he got here. A gentleman saw him on the street; saw his university class ring and the said, “Are you looking for a job. I want you to come and work for Philadelphia Electric.” That was his first job in the US. He didn’t stay in that particular job and had other jobs beside that then.
In Ellen’s home, they spoke Swedish until she went to the first grade and then they switched to English for the rest of the time. Ellen had to go to a Swedish Lutheran church all during her childhood and sit through the service in both Swedish and English so she had some strong roots there that way. Ellen’s mother graduated from the University of Pennsylvania when there weren’t very many woman that did that back in the early 1900’s (1918 to be exact). Her brother also got a Phd at Penn and ended up teaching Latin and Greek at Central High School which was an advanced high school in Philadelphia. So there’s this academic background. I mention this because this is a very educated group of people. I grew up down in Clarksburg, WV and my family came from the hills of eastern WV. I have an idea that my great-great grandfather was illiterate, but I don’t know that for sure. Any rate, my grandfather left around Piedmont, WV and ended up in Clarksburg and in 1903, he joined up with several other gentlemen, particularly a man named Parsons and formed a corporation for a department store in 1903 called Parsons-Souders. The store got started at exactly the right time because Clarksburg started to grow. It grew to 30,000 people. Then the glass industry shut down here a few years ago and other industries there. The population is down to 17,000. So I grew up in the right time there. But any rate, this – that’s what I came out of. My grandfather had a good reputation there as a good merchandiser and everybody liked to go to the store and he served as the woman’s department. I always heard that they got – they liked the kind of clothes that he got for them. He put a special effort into it. My father ended up in the furniture department. Any rate, I sort of thought that I would go into the store too, but when I graduated high school in 1943, everything go interrupted by WWII. It had been going on for a while. I ended up two and a half years in the Army Air Corp and ended up flying 100 combat hours –so called- as a navigator on a B-24, the four motor bomber, flying from the Philippines down to Borneo for six trips. It wasn’t much combat. We got shot at once. We didn’t take any ammunition, but I got combat pay. I mention this sort of because that set me behind by three years. I wanted to go to Penn to Wharton to get a business degree but I couldn’t get in. I got out of the army in January but I couldn’t get in until September. That set me back three years. In a way, the war brought Ellen and myself together because she jumped ahead a year. I’m four and half years older than she was.
The U of PA, they had a women’s division and a men’s divisions. The ratio was 5,000 men to 1,000 women when I got there. The woman had a separate student organization than the men. One of the organizations on campus was the Christian Association. It was a Protestant body representing 7 different Protestant denominations and it was headed by a Quaker when I got there. Because of these interruptions in education, Ellen and I were in the same class. I never met her though until my junior year. We saw each other because we were on the cabinet together. In the senior year, she was the president of the woman’s part and I was president of the men’s part. We started to go out together in my senior year.
In my junior year, I decided I wanted to go into the ministry. Forget the business in Clarksburg. So she knew what my plans were before we graduated. I went up to Yale Divinity School and spent three years there. Well, we had a long distance romance while she was getting a masters degree in English. During that time she was teaching English to freshman girls. I finally proposed to her then, before my third year up at Yale. We got married and moved up to New Haven. We lived in a Quonset hut and fired a coal stove. It was a Spartan life there. I then went down here to Pittsburgh and was minister in Beechview for three years. The first year we moved into a new parsonage there was a time when gas was short. You had to get permission from an official body to get gas and the man in charge of getting the facility ready didn’t get a permit. So the first year we were there, we had a stove in the living room to heat the house. Ellen was wearing boots most of that year. Before we left, my third year there, Chris was born. Of course, they make a lot of fuss when a baby comes into the ministry. In any case, we left there and moved out close here on Wainbell Ave for some months and then out to our house on Berkwood Dr. where we’ve been ever since.
So I just wanted to say that but also one other thing that I wanted to mention. I started out by talking about the Swedishness. Ellen’s parents wanted us to meet with the Swedish relatives. So, we were married in 1952. In 1953, we took a trip to Sweden and did meet the relatives. Ellen has four cousins over there. One of them was a young girl then, 17 years old, named Katerina. Katerina plays a big part then later on. We didn’t go back to Sweden for 30 years. In 1984, we made our own trip (Mom’s parents paid for the first one) and Katerina has a daughter and a son. So, when we went back, we were very interested in the children. We also got to travel in northern Europe some. So we got to see the world a little bit. And for a guy that was brought up in West Virginia this is an expanded world which I appreciate an awful lot. You never know what’s going to happen to you when you get married. You don’t know what’s ahead. This is one of the fun parts.
We also went over in 1987 and 1991 when Katerina’s daughter got married and we decided well why not make the trip. We enjoyed her family a lot. Two and a half years ago, Chris went to Bremen Germany to work and we went over again then to visit her. We went up to Sweden to see Katerina and all the family. They’re always so hospitable. The nice thing is they all speak English. So, I didn’t know. When they started speaking Swedish, I didn’t know what was going on. I enjoyed the English part.
A year and a half ago, Alison and Cindy and their families also went to Sweden to visit Chris first for a week and then to Sweden and our grandchildren got together. Anna’s oldest son who was 11 at the time and Cindy’s youngest son was also 11. They hit it off great. So, they’re great friends now. So this is a big part of our lives and has been very interesting to me to see all this happen.
Thought I’d share that with you. I can get through this part. A little later on, it’s . . . uh . . .tougher.
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Requiem
Feb 5, 2006 14:02:52 GMT -5
Post by blackngold on Feb 5, 2006 14:02:52 GMT -5
Charlie Smith’s speech
I promise I won’t take long. But I wanted to go back in my memories of Ellen. I’m a, let me say a little bit about Bob first of all. The Smith side of the family which is half of his ancestry - that’s the part that I’m from. He was always like to me an older brother and Ellen was like a younger sister in that sense. The relationship I had with them was wonderful. We got together on the telephone about once a month. I’d call from Virginia or they’d call from Pennsylvania and we’d talk for an extended period of time. II can remember the first conversation we ever had which was not by telephone. It was about maybe 40 years ago, at that time in Clarksburg at Bob’s home, we talked about the double helixed DNA molecules which were just being discussed at that point. She had an avid curiosity about everything. And that was exhibited very strongly then. And I remember every time we discussed anything I took an opposite position from her. Whether it was politics; whether it was science; whether it was anything else. But the great thing was that both of us were able to show a great sense of civility and respect for the opinions that each of us had whether it was on a political level or a scientific level. And I thought today just that it would be so wonderful if some of that civility and respect could be conveyed into this political world we have today. So that both of the major political parties could be a little bit more civil with each other. If somehow that passes down from Ellen, we’ll have a wonderful thing happen. That’s all I’ll say, but I’ve got a lot more I could.
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Requiem
Feb 5, 2006 14:04:01 GMT -5
Post by blackngold on Feb 5, 2006 14:04:01 GMT -5
Kathy Queen’s Speech
Everything that’s already been said is something that I can relate to. I, too, am from the Smith side of the family so Bob’s mother was grandmother’s older sister. Bob and Ellen were cousins by definition but in my life, Ellen was an aunt and Bob was an uncle and that’s the role they always played in my life. And John and Chris and Alison and Cindy and all of the other members of the family are to me cousins and that close. When I went to Ohio University and graduated from college, Bob and Ellen came to my graduation. And when I moved to Pittsburgh right after my graduation, I had previously just visited Bob and Ellen about 3 or 4 months prior and I had never seen Pittsburgh before and it made it all the more comfortable to accept the position I took here because I’d been here and been to the top of Mt Washington with Ellen to look over the city. And I have very fond memories of that as if it were just yesterday. I was here about nine months and my company moved me away and then my company moved me back about a year later. There were some questions about where I should live and what I should do. So, Ellen said, “Well, why don’t you live with us for a while until you work it out.” And we thought it would be a couple months and it turned out to be 6 months, then 8 months then 10 months then it was about a year. In that period of time, I can look back and link so many things in my life that I didn’t really think about at the time. That Ellen was an example of; that Bob was an example of. That they opened my eyes and ears to so many different topics. I had never known of CSPAN that was a world that Ellen opened me up to. Politics and religion and literature and history and biographies and there were so many different topics. At that time, I didn’t realize all the lessons that I was learning. Ellen and Bob weren’t intentionally teaching. They were just living their lives and being examples and sharing with me all the things that they loved. Music, symphony, opera, libraries, museums and it was such a gift. It was such a gift. I’m so grateful for that and so grateful for those memories. I know anything that I would say, anyone else in this room could relate to. Ellen was such an example.
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Requiem
Feb 5, 2006 14:04:51 GMT -5
Post by blackngold on Feb 5, 2006 14:04:51 GMT -5
Manil Suri’s Speech
You’ve already heard a little bit about the Pittsburgh Council for International Visitors. That’s through whom I came to know Bob and Ellen Souders and the rest of the family. My first recollection is from ’79 which is when I first came to this country – August ’79 and you know I was completely jetlagged, frightened, scared, whatever - completely disoriented. At that time, I guess it was just my fear or part of just being in a different culture, any question that was asked I would just kind of either nod my head or go round and round. What it meant was I don’t know. Could be a yes, it might be a no but it was really I don’t want to commit. I don’t know. So the first that happened when we got home was they asked me if I was hungry. And well I didn’t know. So it was that nodding of the head. And what do you know; I had a huge plate of spaghetti in front of me in a few minutes. I looked at it. I tried some. I really wasn’t hungry. They asked me if I wanted something to drink and what did I want. Lemonade perhaps? Again the (nodding of the head). It sounded reasonable. So the lemonade came. I think John was the one who made it. As I recall, he just mixed together lemon juice and water. And of course I was too scared to say “Don’t you add sugar to this.” So I sat there with my lemonade and my spaghetti and people were talking and I was talking and I was looking at the spaghetti. It was getting bigger and bigger on my plate. Finally, Ellen said, “You don’t have to eat that if you don’t want to.” That was a very kind thing to say, because I just managed to nod and push the plate away. It was kind of an emergency visitors family that they got stuck with me. They were only supposed to have me for a few days but I ended up staying for at least a week with them. It ended up being a little more than that. I think through the visit, somewhere along the line, after a lot of these head bobbings and so on. Ellen finally told me, “You really have to tell us yes or no.” She was the first person to say that, so I learned finally to say yes or no and be less scared of things. But after that, it turned out that I really ended up coming to Berkwood Drive at least once a month. I had a roommate. He had a family that came and visited. All my friends a lot of them weren’t from Pittsburgh. So it was very nice to have a family there. I always called it my host family.
Over the years, the word host dropped out and it just became my family. It took a long time for me to realize that. Just all the times my mother visited me once I graduated. We stayed with the Souders. I met Christine in New York several times. I went to Alison’s wedding. It was just very encompassing, very welcoming. Through it all, both Bob and Ellen were just wonderful. Even when I moved away to Maryland, we would talk to each other once in a while and have long discussions about everything. Fortunately, we shared political views that were very open and very open-minded too. I remember writing my coming out letter. I had met my partner Larry and I finally told them, “well, this is the way things stand.” And I remember Ellen writing back, of course there was no question of not being accepted by them, but she writing back, “My only regret is that you would have made such a good father.” That was a very touching thing for her to have said.
There were many times when we went and visited them at Chestertown too. And that was always so peaceful. Everything about the Souders’s houses was always very orderly - very different from my past in India. There were always the plates that were neatly stacked up; the dessert that would come; the tea that was asked for and the coffee that was prepared. In the Chestertown place there was always lemonade and some dessert too. We would just sit outside and watch the river go by.
The last time I saw Ellen was I guess a year and a half ago. It was in the summer of 2004. A lot of the siblings had come too so it was a rather large gathering. I didn’t know that it was the last time I was seeing her. This year, I spoke, or rather 2005, I spoke to her, I guess around January or February. My own mother was going through some very serious health problems. They were as usual very supportive and sympathetic. Then I was so involved with taking care of my mother that I didn’t really didn’t keep in touch for the last several months. Then in December, I got a card from Cindy explaining what had happened – the rapid deterioration in health that Ellen had gone through. Right after Christmas, I called up. I talked to Bob. I talked to Chris and maybe Cindy. They told me what had happened. They said that their mother had reached the stage where it was very difficult for her to talk. I talked at length to Bob and figured that I would just tell him to say bye to Ellen. Then he said, “Would you like to talk to Ellen. She’s right here.” I was surprised. I didn’t know that she could communicate in that way. I actually heard him go and say, “It’s Manil.” And the next minute was perhaps one of the most precious moments in my life. I heard her say, “Oh, Manil.” There was absolute recognition in her voice. There was just this epiphany almost. You’ve made a connection. You’ve actually made an effect on somebody and they’ve made an effect on you. That’s what I felt there. She came on the phone and it was almost like old times when we would all be talking. She did very little talking but it was still there. Her personality was coming through. All her humor was coming through. She was laughing at all the right points. At one point, Bob asked me how my novel was going – the one I am writing. I said, “It’s taking a long time.” And she said, “Why?” It came out like a sigh almost. So, then I went into this long explanation and so on and said that you know blah blah blah this is what’s happening. Again she said, “Why?” It was a real conversation. Even at that stage, she was there. She knew who I was. She was enjoying it. She was participating in it. And at the end, she did say – she mustered up everything. – and she did say, “Thank you for calling.” The calling was a little blurry but the whole sentence was there. I sort of knew that this was probably the last time that I would be talking to her. And just – just everything that you know just 26 years, or whatever, just both Bob and Ellen, basically reached out and clasped my hand. It’s been nice that I’ve been able to hold it ‘til the end. I think all of you have similar memories where Ellen has been there and I can feel her – we can all feel her. Thank you.
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Requiem
Feb 5, 2006 19:07:43 GMT -5
Post by Fins on Feb 5, 2006 19:07:43 GMT -5
BNG... sorry to hear about the passing of your Mother. My prayers and thoughts are with you.
There is a song by U2 called One Tree Hill from The Joshua Tree that has wonderful lyrics and fantastic music. Its about the passing of a friend and it is beautifully written... and there is hope... as the song says: 'I'll see you again when the stars fall from the sky and the moon has turned red over a One Tree Hill'
We turn away to face the cold, enduring chill As the day begs the night for mercy love The sun so bright it leaves no shadows Only scars Carved into stone On the face of earth The moon is up and over One Tree Hill We see the sun go down in your eyes
You run like river, on like a sea You run like a river runs to the sea
And in the world a heart of darkness A fire zone Where poets speak their heart Then bleed for it Jara sang - his song a weapon In the hands of love You know his blood still cries From the ground
It runs like a river runs to the sea It runs like a river to the sea
I don't believe in painted roses Or bleeding hearts While bullets rape the night of the merciful I'll see you again When the stars fall from the sky And the moon has turned red Over One Tree Hill
We run like a river Run to the sea We run like a river to the sea And when it's raining Raining hard That's when the rain will Break my heart
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Requiem
Feb 5, 2006 22:28:00 GMT -5
Post by sapphire on Feb 5, 2006 22:28:00 GMT -5
Dear John, My heart goes out to you in your loss. What a spectacular life your mother had and how spectacularly she lived it. Thank you for making this place. Although it has been almost 4 years since my mother died, not one day goes by that I don't think of her, miss her and wish for just one more precious day to have her in my world. I can't tell you that it gets any easier, you just go on. My mother, Dorothy, was 66 when she lost her fight with cancer. Seems so very young to die, doesn't it? I spent the last 5 weeks of her life at her side, 24/7, and it was both the hardest and most wonderful time I ever experienced. During the last weeks I often slept on cushions on the floor next to her bed so as to be there should she need me, or--God forbid--should she die in her sleep. I have heard that when loved ones are suffering, people pray for them to go, so unselfish in their love, but, when my mother finally breathed her last, I just wanted to call her back. Life without her in it just wasn't possible. My mother wasn't like yours--she was painfully shy and didn't like to leave home for much, but our house was the one where every kid in the neighborhood could gather and feel at home. The motheriest of mothers, people said. She was forever laughing, and her kids knew that there was nothing they could ever do that would make her stop loving them. Like yours, my mother gave me my love of reading, and is responsible for my love of all things Harry Potter, which, in turn led me to London, New York and Mugwumplandia. Every day my life is richer because of her and I feel her looking over my shoulder and laughing as only she could. As Luna says, "It's not as if I will never see Mum again, is it?...You heard them, just beyond the veil...."
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Kit M.
Head Girl/Boy
I'm hoppy, cuddly and adorable!
Posts: 104
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Requiem
Feb 7, 2006 18:39:43 GMT -5
Post by Kit M. on Feb 7, 2006 18:39:43 GMT -5
Nana, As I think of you, I wonder if I was a fool. Thinking of stupid stuff like pool. You lived a good life. At least you didn't kill yourself with a knife. But now, I mourn for you. You were the only one. Think of me, in the skies, If that's where you are.
No reason to get droopy, It's in the past, It won't past fast, You'll always be in my heart.
I didn't know you good, But you as a grandmother makes it true, My mom says you made good food. I'll never forget you, It's too true. I hope you don't think me a fool.
No reason to get droopy, It's in the past, It won't past fast, You'll always be in my heart.
You weren't as known to me as my mom. But you were her mom. Remeber me always. I'll remeber your face.
No reason to get droopy, It's in the past, It won't past fast, You'll always be in my heart.
~Kit~
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Requiem
Mar 28, 2007 22:40:33 GMT -5
Post by sapphire on Mar 28, 2007 22:40:33 GMT -5
Richard, thanks for your concern. I am dealing with Matthew's death the best I can. It's a sad thing, and not the first time I have dealt with death, so I just let the grieving go as it will. It seems to me that we have some type of protective ability that allows only so much information to flood our brains at one time. I especially see this in the children, who have been processing this in their own way. When we first discussed it, some of the adults were taken aback because the kids basically said, "Matthew died? Hey, teacher, the other day someone hit me and then I went to the store...." as if they didn't get it. Then I asked them each to draw pictures for a book for Matthew, and you should have seen the amazing pictures and stories--angels, rainbows, hearts, remembrances of fun times they had had with him. Even now, two weeks later, you can hear them talking about it, trying to make sense of something no one possibly could. Two little boys were talking this afternoon: "Matthew's dead, isn't he?" "Yep, Matthew's already dead." "We had a party for him yesterday." "Hey, look at this. My truck tipped over and then you crashed and we...."
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